I suck

I hate running... I really do. I hate running from the things I shouldn't be running from. I hate running from You, from the things I should be doing. I hate how yesterday I was feeling so close to You and today it's like I made a small step back. I don't want any steps back. I want to wrap my arms around You and never let go. I hate my lack of perseverance. I hate that I can't be solid and steady. I hate that. It's my worst problem and I don't know if I can beat it. I love being with You, it's the most important thing in my life and still I manage to slip away for some time... Me time. I don't want a Me time anymore. I want You time. I want only You time. I want You to control and guide my life. I want You to fill my heart, my dreams, my thoughts, my days. I want to be with You every second. Why is it so hard? Why can't it be easy like blinking or smiling... Why can't it be natural? Why do I have to fight to be with You? I hate the fact that it's not easy. I hate when I loose that battle. I hate being far from You. It's like stop breathing... cause only with You I feel alive, I do need You like the air but it's harder to really stop breathing than to run away from You. I hate how my life is stupid and meaningless when I take a step back from Your arms... I even suck at running. I suck at living. I suck at everything concerning You. I can't even run away from You properly. This sucks... Everything sucks. I hate the fact that I'm always far from You in a very important moment of my life, when I need Your help and I can't ask for it. I hate those days when I know I'm wrong and still not willing to get right with You. I suck!!!