That's love

One of my schoolmates wrote on her profile something like: Live for the pleasure, you are made of it. I was like: what? This is the kind of lies the devil is trying to sell people and he's good at it. No, i don't think we should live for the pleasures. There's much more than that. I believe that there is purpose, a reason to live and i want my life to mean something. I don't want my flesh to be good. I want my soul to live. I want to do something. Maybe not change the world but if i can touch at least one person's heart and show that person that Jesus is alive and we all need saving... That's what i want to do. God has a plan for everyone. I want to make His plan for my life reality. I want to put His words into action.

I have come to realize that i don't have much... To be honest I have nothing, nothing to give to God. But I decided that I will serve Him with everything I am. And as long as He wants me in that worship team I will be there. Jars of Clay - Little Drummer Boy. This song really inspired me. I have nothing worth to give a King but I will give the Lord all I am, all I have and I will be the best version of myself and I will do it for Him. People always say that everyone's special, unique, great and all that... That's all a lie. I'm none of that. You know why? Cause if I was special, unique and perfect I wouldn't need a Savior. But because I'm not all those things I need my Jesus. I am so dirty and bad that only the blood of God's Son could make me clean. I'm not proud of who I am... I'm proud of who my Daddy can make me.

I really don't understand God's love... Him loving ME is a concept my head cannot grasp. I don't know how a Holy God can look to me and see something worth loving. Or maybe that's the thing... He doesn't see anything worth loving and that's why He loves me. I have no idea. I can't understand why the Author of everything even bothers with me... I am so weak and I turn my back on Him all the time and still when I come back He's right there waiting like nothing happened. THAT'S LOVE. WOW! It's amazing to know that whatever you do there is someone who loves you the way you are. He doesn't want me to be the same, He wants me to change but when I come to Him He doesn't say something like: No, you first go change and then come to Me. That's so awesome. He's not a God who will condemn and kill, He's so merciful. I can't understand why people don't want to see all this. They all want to be loved and yet they hate the One who truly loves them. Why?

I thought about something today while I was in the shower (don't even know why I mentioned the shower). Isn't it great that God is who He is no matter who we are. We all have an idea of what God is... He's loving, caring, forgiving... stuff like that. Thank You God for not being what I think You are. You are so much more than what my limited mind can think of. I don't think there are suitable verbs and words that can sum up His personality. Isn't that amazing?! Knowing that we believe in a God who is more than we could ever know. Bigger than us, bigger than this planet, bigger than anything. The BIGGEST. He is so... Man I can't even describe Him. If He changed ME that makes Him a big deal... I'm probably like the worst person ever. I'm not perfect now but definitely better. I'm not who I'm supposed to be but thank God I'm not who I was. And by the mercy of God I am who I am. =)