I'll be a silent nobody

A few days ago a friend of mine asked a simple question... "Who are you?"
And I said: "The stupid girl who got dumped and still loves the guy who dumped her"
I define myself with you. You loving me means I'm good and happy... But you leaving me means I'm not enough.
While I was praying on Sunday a friend of mine came up to me and told me those simple words which at first I didn't understand... "You are a servant of God". What? Sounded like another cliche... But then I realized what it meant. It meant that I'm not "The stupid girl who got dumped and still loves the guy who dumped her". I am so much more than that. I'm not my own. I'm not yours. I'm His.
And I write all those things here, hoping that you will read them because I cannot talk to you... I don't want to be annoying and disturb you when you clearly don't want me. You just became so distant, I feel like I don't know you anymore. Tanya told me once, a looong time ago... that you are the kind of guy who would choose his way and walk till the end. I guess she was wrong. But I'm not blaming you. I know you were honest, you were good to me, and you loved me and you didn't plan, and maybe didn't want this to happen. But it did. So I can't change it. I can only silently love you and pray for you. I'll try not to be in your way. I'll be silent and patient, I won't advise, I won't try to tell you what to do nor how to do it. I'll leave you in God's hands, hoping that He's gonna take good care of you and give you what you need. I promise I'll be nobody if I have to, if you want me to... Just as long as you're ok... And me? I'll be fine... Eventually... One day... I hope...
I am trying hard to be with God and let Him love me and heal me. And even though I cannot feel Him, even though sometimes pain overcomes... I will keep on trying. And God does not turn His back on those who rely on Him. He will not ignore the voice that is calling for His help. So even if answers and healing come in 10 years... Fine. I'll be waiting and praying. I don't know how I am going to live, I don't know what the future holds, I don't know who I'm supposed to be, nor where... I don't know if I should keep loving you and waiting for you... I simply have no idea. But I know one thing for sure...
Even if the answers never come I will still be waiting on the Lord...