Oh my, I think I'm gonna explode with all these feeling inside of me. Life got so hard and complicated... but that's not the real problem.
I've been trying to do something I can't do. And so I thought... maybe if I take those feelings out, if I write it honestly... it might help. So maybe being honest with yourself is one of the first steps... So here I go...
I miss you so much. And not the physical aspect. I miss you, YOU! I've been trying to forget about you, I tried to move on, focus on God... And I can't do it. You're all I think about. And we don't talk anymore, you don't care anymore, you don't want to know what's going on with me... And it hurts so bad. I fell ever more in love with you. Remembering everything that happened... I realized how deep and real my love for you is. And I wish I could fix things, I wish I could go back in time and try not to do all those things that drew you away. I wish I could be someone you could love forever.
I'm going to keep on trying to focus on God and maybe forget you.
I don't want to sound mean... but I gave you all I had, I loved you with all my heart, I loved you even when you were broken, I stood by you every single day, supported you, tried to help you, I prayed for you, I forgave and forgot, I sacrificed, I ignored my pride and my ego for you, I listened to you, I cared about you, I was faithful and honest, not always right but I was there for you every time you needed me, I loved you even when you hated yourself, I fought for you even when I didn't have the strength to fight for myself... I did all this out of love and I don't regret doing it... But if after all this you could still walk away so easily and forget about me... Then maybe you're not the one.
I know you apologized... But I didn't need your apology... I needed you to stay and fight for us. And you didn't do it. So I'll try my best to forget. It won't be easy, I know. I realized lately that most of my dreams were somehow connected to you... So basically, I need new ones. I need you so badly. So I don't know how am I going to live without you... All I know is that I'm gonna have to learn. Cause clearly, you're not coming back.
I put away the pictures, the presents, the letters... But that doesn't erase you from my heart. And I pray that God may help me get through this and still believe in love and trust people.
I love how ridiculous you are sometimes. I love how passionate you get when it comes to playing drums. I love to watch you pray, how you bow your head and close your eyes to talk to God. I love how you hold on to the things you believe in. I love how caring you are to your friends. I love how you keep walking even when your legs are failing you. I love how easy it is to talk to you. I love how you see me... Or how you used to see me, you don't even look anymore. I just love everything there is in you. And I hope you find someone else who's gonna love you like that, someone you're gonna love back. I'm not one of a kind, I'm not perfect, I'm not the most amazing girl in the world... But one thing about me is quite unique... The way that when I love someone I love them with all my heart, truly, honestly. I hope you find that one day.
Няма коментари:
Публикуване на коментар