Life at its best...

Love me for me?

Who will love me for me?

The curly girl who is a Bulgarian and a RUSSIAN and likes that...
Who adores SUGAR and CHOCOLATE...
Who does NOT go jogging and does NOT work out...
Who has a HUGE tummy that will most probably grow in time...
With a hair that's NEVER properly laid...
With nails that are always NOT there...
With a HEIGHT that could make a midget look like a giant...
With a MUSTACHE...
With a love for JUNK food...
With a DEMANDING character that does NOT know where the limits are...
With EARS that would probably be able to take me anywhere in the world I wanted if I could learn how to use them as wings...
With billions of FLAWS, BAD habits, STUPID laughs and jokes, huge RETARDED smiles, rules of NEVER being late...
With a closet that does NOT have the option of being organized...
With a HATRED for washing dishes and doing chores on SOMEONE ELSE'S terms...
With a GIGANTIC need for flowers, nice words, attention, love, hugs, holding hands and other amazingly dumb things... ALWAYS...
With a blog that is NOT only there cause I got nothing better to do but because sometimes I actually have things to say but no one wants to hear...
With legs that simply can't be NOT crossed...
With chewing gum ALL OVER my plates, cups and glasses...
With a mouth that CAN'T shut up...
...
I could go on forever...

Me... Not your idea of me but the actual ME...

NOT the nice smiling girl... cause that person's there only from time to time...

But the girl that I am ALWAYS... On rainy days and on non-rainy days...

I know the answer... God is the one who will and loves me for me... Cause only a merciful and all-forgiving God can put up with all that I am... And not like it's not enough...

But anyone else?

Things that don't make any sense at all...

A Few Things About Life Lately...

So life's been different... Good and then not so good, sometimes very bad, sometimes unbelievably amazing... You get the idea...
But here are things I should remember:

1. Things are usually not as bad as they seem at first. Later you realize you've been through worse and you're still breathing and functioning.
2. My best friend's blog is theghostoflove4.blogspot.com
3. My boyfriend is way cooler than he thinks he is and I guess way cooler than I know.
4. I like writing essays with sophisticated words.
5. Dishes are not that bad... I mean it's not their fault they were made dishes and not chocolate... or something else that's cool... It's just life...
6. There are people who actually care... deeply, honestly, with all of their hearts. All I have to do is find those people and stick with them.
7. My end of the world is not like other people's ends of the world but it's my end of the world... and it's still the end of the world.
8. The fact that someone says something doesn't necessarily mean that they mean it. Sometimes people say things without thinking first or just things they don't mean.
9. The above is not a reason not love or respect that person.
10. Provoking is good. Let me explain this. If you have epilepsy but you don't really know it's epilepsy you go to the doctor and they have a test. You sit in a chair and they provoke fainting... With light or loud sounds... things that stress you. As we all know fainting is not good but in this case it is since this test will show whether you have the disease or not. Point is... When someone says something (or does something) and you know that they don't mean to hurt you (and yes, most of the time you can tell what their motives are), if it still makes you angry or hurts you, that means that most probably something's not right with you. The person is the provoker, their words or actions are like the light and loud sound in the epilepsy test... Feeling sad or hurt or angry is not OK, but it can show if you have a "disease".
11. The Bible has a lot more treasures and wisdom than I could possibly imagine.
12. Money doesn't mean a thing. People, memories, laughter... those are the things that matter. Possessions are vain.
13. It is awesome that some things don't have a reasonable explanation.

...

There are more but I'm sleepy... and wanna pee =)
So wisdom's gonna have to wait until I'm not sleepy and don't want to pee =)

Lately... I don't know... Weird...
I've been going through a weird period. Relationships are complicated and I've been realizing it in a totally new way and aspect. Or maybe I say this cause for some reason I am angry today... Angry at myself and other people... Hate to say it but maybe angry at God. I've been not exactly living lately. I've been praying for things that have not yet happened and I see the people around me change and be happy and things happening to them... But not to me. And you'd say to wait and be patient... And I've been waiting for 19 years and yet here we are. I need a job, I need my family to be saved and changed, I need to be different and better... And yet none of those have happened. I've been called a shit every single day of my life and I'm sick and tired of it. This place is the last place on earth I want to be and yet I'm here not knowing what to do with it. And I pray and sing and read and meet with people and it's all the same. Did I say I meet with people? I meet with my best friend, my boyfriend... and that's about it. Others? Pff, they don't give a rat's ass for me. Facebook and all, friend requests and messages, comments and likes? And if you don't have a facebook suddenly no one knows who you are.