вторник, 31 май 2011 г.

Love

Then said Almitra, 'Speak to us of Love.'

And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them.

And with a great voice he said:

When love beckons to you follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.

He threshes you to make you naked.

He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness.

He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, 'God is in my heart,' but rather, I am in the heart of God.'

And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.


вторник, 24 май 2011 г.

Depression is what it's called

Sucks.

Everything.

When you have nothing to look forward to and not because it has all come true... Oh, no!

It wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to hurt this much. But it does. Beyond anything.

And there's this numbing pain that leaves you so weak and exhausted that you wish you could just lay somewhere and cry. And instead you have to live. You have to live with this... or I think it's better to say without this... Without love.

And I am a dreamer and that is all I do so I don't live. I can't. I'm not allowed to. Because I only dream. Life is for others. It's for the lucky ones, and obviously I'm not one of them.

And like someone said... Where do I go? To the left where nothing's right or to the right where nothing's left?

And I wish I could close my eyes, then open them again and find out it was all a big joke on April fools... But it's the end of May and the only fool is the one writing this.

And I wish I had the guts to do something reckless but I'm not that kind of girl... I'm the boring type.

And I can't even enjoy properly my best friend's happiness. And I suck for that.

So let's get back to the point...

Sucks.

Everything.

понеделник, 23 май 2011 г.

Birds

So let's sum it up... 2 liars and a fool to believe them. The perfect recipe for a broken heart.

And I have flowers on my table that I got myself... for me.

And napkins are a metaphor for all that I am.

And they all lied and left me here to manage while they enjoy life.

And everyone says it's for my good but no one had the guts to simply look me in the eyes and tell me the truth: It's not fair.

And in case you didn't know I am so awesome that I make people cheat on me. Cause I'm awesome. And beautiful.

And I'm waiting here but I'm sure no one is coming. We're past that time.

And I'm a toy - so fun to play with.

неделя, 8 май 2011 г.

Freakshow

When did everything become so freakin' messed up?
And I'd choose crayons over perfume any day of the week... But I'm not really given that choice, am I?
And when did I turn into a doormat?
And I guess this is one of those seasons in life when you just have to close your eyes and wait for it to be over. But all the uncertainty is killing me. And life became way too complicated... I mean I've heard people are mean and hypocrites... But now I can actually feel the bitter back-stabbing reality of this statement.
And yes, like I said... I never imagined being here. When you dream of your future you always imagine it beautiful, exciting, full of opportunities and real-caring people... And this is not how I imagined it. Can't say I don't deserve all this but still... I just didn't imagine it this way.
And I'm so angry that I can't even be hurt. I wish I could line up all these people and scream to their faces how much I hate them. And I'm looking forward to getting away from this place, this god-forsaken place.