Someone

someone warm

someone kind and free

someone whose arms are big enough to contain all of you, all of what you are

someone capable of honestly saying: "stop trying so hard, you're already beautiful"

someone who would always be on your side, always fighting for whatever you're fighting for

someone who would fear for your life, your safety, your heart

someone who could not even bear the thought of leaving you

someone who would care for you more than he does for himself

someone who would be fine with how broken and ridiculous you are

someone who would think of you when nothing is right, when nothing is left

someone who would find a place for you to be alone

someone who would not be afraid from the depths of your soul

someone who would see you better with his eyes closed

someone who would not stop courting you even after he has won you fully

someone who would remember every single word coming out of your mouth and consider it sacred

someone who would think of you as glorious

someone who would rejoice in seeing you joyful

someone who would write a song for you even in the worst of tunes

someone who would know what each sigh, each silence means

someone who would dance with you after an exhausting day and enjoy every second of it

someone who would rather die than hurt you

someone who would buy you ice-cream everyday

someone who would tuck you in every night with a kiss

someone who would consider it his duty and privilege to make you happy

someone who would sit on rooftops with you even if he thinks it's utterly ridiculous

someone who wouldn't claim to know you but still know in his heart that he knows you best

someone who could not live a day without seeing you

someone who wouldn't own you but instead have you to love and to hold

someone who wouldn't mind that you think out loud and cry so much

someone who would wait for as long as it takes until he could make you his

someone who would know what kind of books you read

someone who would not even contemplate looking away in fear of missing your smile

someone who would sincerely enjoy being your friend, care-taker, your lover and leader, your husband and guardian, your everything

someone who if given a choice of being anywhere in the world would still choose to be right next to you

someone who would know no other way but to love you ardently

someone who would make a covenant with his own eyes not to look upon other

someone to whom you would be more than enough

someone to whom pinky promises would mean the world to

someone who would choose you again any day of the week 50 years from now

someone to whom your well-being would be above all else

someone who would be honored to point at you and say that he is with you

someone who would know that no matter what happens you have his back

simply put...



someone like

ще дишам.

ще си направя сандвич и ще спра да плача.

днес ще дишам. колкото и да е трудно.

Не винаги

не винаги ще бъде така.

благодаря на този, който веднъж в труден момент ми го каза.

запомних го.

беше добър урок. тогава бях тъжна, но не винаги беше така, защото после вече не бях тъжна.

и сега... когато пак нищо не е както съм го искала, както съм го мечтала... и сега... когато пак съм сама, отново тук оставена... пак ще си кажа...

не винаги ще бъде така.

не винаги ще плача. не винаги всичко ще свършва. не винаги любовта ще бъде толкова опустошителна. не винаги краят ще бъде лош. не винаги сърцето ми ще ме боли. не винаги ще съм сама. не винаги оставена. не винаги ще бъда забравена. не винаги ще е толкова безнадеждно. не винаги ще се чувствам предадена и унизена. не винаги мечтите ми ще остават само мечти.

не винаги ще бъде така.


нали?

Small one

I don't know how.

I don't know how hearts heal. How they become whole again. No one teaches you that.
They tell you love is great, dream big and all that, but at the end of it all they can say is move on??? In all the "wisdom" people got, that's the best you came up with??

Isn't there anything else? Because moving on doesn't really seem possible.

You build your whole world around the hopes of something and someone comes, intentionally or not, ruins what you've tried to built all your life, and you're supposed to dust off and keep going??

Sorry, that might work for others, but for me, for now... it doesn't.

I can't dust you off. I can't leave you behind. I can't move on. I can't let go.

I have one tiniest hope though... that in His majesty and glory God will not cease to care about the small ones. That He will be merciful enough not to despise the insignificant ones, the brokenhearted ones.

He has not let me down this far. I hope, I dare ask He doesn't let me down now either.

He has not given up on me yet. And even if people keep walking out of my life the way they have in the past... He will still be standing firmly right beside me. I have this to rely on. I have nothing else now.

I have no one else now.

go

You are a picture next to my pillow.

You are a faded ring.

You are a breath-taking pain.

You are salty tears.

You are a bitter taste on my lips.

You are a broken heart.

You are unkept promises.

You are a lie.

You are lost dreams.

You are a hopeless look.

You are another necklace in the box.

Don't be... Please... Just don't be that.

Someone like you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAc83CF8Ejk&feature=related

Sometimes it hurts, but sometimes it lasts...

Irreplaceable.
Unparalleled.
Unlike anything else, anyone else.

30 years from now, turning back I will regret it. I know I will. I will wonder. I will come back here, to this particular moment. And not like I can do anything about it now. I am simply sure that it will be the same with you. Not because I am anything special. Not because you can't breathe without me.

But because for some crazy reason love is stronger than us. Bigger than anything we know.

There are millions who are better than me. And there are millions who are better than you. But no one quite like me. And no one quite like you. No two people quite like us. I don't know why that is. But honestly I don't think it matters that much. I've seen your worst, you have seen mine. And still we're here, trying to walk separately but still turning around. And it will always be like this. Even if we decide to let go, leave for good... We will always come back to one another. I know I will always be somewhere in the back of your mind, kept in secret. You will always remember me. Even if you decide to walk away. And I know you will always be in my heart, in a private place only for you. And only I would know how to reach that place. Because I made it, for you, for us. I feel tied to you. And no matter how much you fight it or deny it... you are too. There is something invisible pulling you closer to me, and me to you. And I guess it's up to us to decide what we'll do with it. We can try to cut the bond. But I don't think we can.

Even if we wanted to.

So this is me saying that 30 years from now I will still turn around, and run back to you.

But 30 years from now I don't want to have to run to reach you. I want to be able to simply turn in my bed and see your eyes lovingly looking at me.

Tunnel? Light?

I am not sure whether it's the idea of it or an actual thing but I feel better. Safer. Lighter. Sometimes things change, sometimes they work out. I hope this turns out to be one of those times.
I love what honesty and love can do when used properly and combined. I love adult conversations that open people's eyes about something. Especially if I'm the one saying the smart, eyes-opening things.
I only know that I feel more optimistic. Maybe it's not that dark after all. I won't delete my angry messages, my pictures... any of it, in fact. I refuse to delete memories, even if they are unpleasant. I want to remember all, keep all, learn from all. If that's how I felt some time ago... means I had a reason to. So I won't pretend I haven't been angry and hurt the past few days.
But if it's a tunnel, maybe I've reached the end... No, not yet, but at least maybe I can see the end. Just so you know... I may be wrong about this all. But I like the feeling of being better even if it's just for a little bit. So I won't ponder it... Instead I'll just kick back and enjoy it.

A pretty face on a picture

Didn't you learn your lesson? After so many times, after being left behind so much...

Didn't you learn already, you stupid girl?

How many times does your heart have to be broken for you to realize that you can't trust people? Anyone. Because they only like you when they have something to gain from you but if you stop giving... they abandon you. All of them. And you are only a memory to them. Probably not even a good one. And you have months ahead of you to try and pick up the pieces of what's left of your soul. And it is funny that you thought you were special at all... Whoever said that to you, lied well.

Will you ever learn? Or will you continue to walk the same way, make the same mistakes?
When will you realize that no matter what you do you will never be good enough and no one will stick around. So why even try...

And it's ridiculous... I pulled the plug but it doesn't really feel that way.
And again... so easily forgotten.
"Just a pretty face on a picture"
scratch the pretty part.

Не съм.

Мразя ви... Всичките...

Вас и вашите пари, вашите сметки, вашето викане...

Вас и вашите цветя, вашите чинии, вашите разговори...

Вас и вашата злоба, вашето игнориране, вашия непукизъм...

Вас и вашите гадни коментари, вашите преструвки, вашите въпроси...

Мразя, че нищо не е както трябва да бъде.
Мразя, че хората не си изпълняват обещанията.
Мразя, че искам толкова много неща, които не мога да имам.
Мразя, че живея тук.

Просто днес мразя всичко и всички.

Мразя, че никой не мисли за мен, за това как аз бих се почувствала.

Мразя фейсбук... с неговите щастливи хора, усмихнати лица, красиви снимки.

Мразя, че при мен не е така.
Мразя, че аз не мога да бъда щастлива. И не знам дали ще мога да бъда. Сякаш щастието само от мен бяга. А аз толкова го искам. Поне за малко да бъде при мен. Поне за малко нещата да бъдат просто лесни и хубави. А те никога не са.

И аз мразя това.

NOW

Can there for once be clarity? Full clarity. Not knowing parts of something, but know the whole thing. Will I live to know the answers to my biggest questions? Or do I pray for patience? Why does most of life have to be spent in waiting for real life to begin? Why isn't there at least one easy thing? Can I for once decide to do something without later doubting my decision? Can I only walk forward without turning back? I want some sugar too. I hope I don't sound ungrateful. I have had sugar, a lot of it. But this one aspect gets me down. Maybe because I have put it in a place too central. But then how do I move it? It seems I break my own heart but I honestly don't know how to keep it whole. And questions are so tiring. Even when I fall asleep I cannot run away. My mind constantly plays scenarios. I constantly think about it, I wonder... then I dream and regret and cry and laugh... and yet not know. And it looks like it's right there for me and I can't reach it.

I want.

The past few... whatever... I caught myself longing for more... More than this, this place, these people...
I want to go places I've never been before.
I want to travel. Always has, always will.


I want to feel the wind in my hair.


I want to visit a beautiful garden.


I want to soak my feet in oceans, seas and rivers.


I want warm sands.


I want suitcases.


I want meadows of super colorful flowers.


I want to sleep in a caravan.


I want to laugh.


I want beaches.


I want bright nails.


I want new streets and towns where no one knows me.


I want to smell flowers.


I want to be barefoot with someone.


I want to sit on nice benches.


I want new rings.


I want to learn a new skill.


I want to walk, and walk some more... and then just... walk.


I want to sit on big trees, those trees that I imagine myself live on.


I want to meet new people, see their faces, remember their names, know about their lives, listen to their music, visit their favorite places.


I want to have long hair.


I want to whisper into someone's ear.


I want vases.


I want to have a closet full of fun clothes.


I want to taste new ice-cream.


I want to drink street lemonade.


I want to lay on grass.


I want to experience new life, new love. Something awesome only to me.


I want to buy new necklaces.


I want to sit on buses.


I want to buy brownies and cupcakes from a small bakery shop.


I want to sit around a fire with good friends and play a guitar.


I want to swim with dolphins.


I want to walk on small streets.


I want to ride a vespa with a cute stranger.


I want to eat real Italian pizza.


I want to sit on top of buildings.


I want to meet cute ridiculous kids.


I want to fly on airplanes.


I want to own pretty skirts.


I want to receive a bouquet of lots and lots of roses.


I want to go to Paris.


I want to play the piano.


I want lazy Sunday mornings in a great room.


I want to sit on front porches.


I want to discover new ways of putting my hair up.


I want to go out on a date on the beach.


I want to hold hands.


I want to take millions... no, gazillions of pictures.


I want to have a Starbucks whatever.


I want someone to take me away.


I want to have an iPhone.


I want piggy-back rides.


I want lots and lots of dandelions.


I want warm sweaters.


I want kisses.


I want a tattoo.


I want awesome shoes.


I want bear hugs.


I want shirts with long sleeves.


I want to catch snowflakes with my tongue.


I want to have a lot of picture frames with amazing memories attached to them.


I want to go to a petting zoo and pet as many fluffy animals as possible.


I want to read books.


I want to own this.


I want a car.


I want epic romance.









I want.