=)

For the first time I think I'm not falling... More like flying. You are not a new flame. A different one. I feel like I'm walking on sand though... Like I might sink in it any moment... I fear sometimes that I won't meet your requirement... But I cannot let myself give in to fear. Instead I'll keep this hidden in my heart like a precious jewel, too precious to be carried around in my pocket. I know I'm probably not what you want, not what you're looking for... But like you said it yourself... I hope you learn to love in me what is not mine... Honestly, I don't dare dream. But yet I do. I hope one day you'll be able to say: "I can live without you, but I want to live with you".

Pinky promise

Oh... How do I begin.
All these years you were hard as a stone, you managed on your own, you smiled and wiped the tears yourself. But tonight you fell apart. And you fell apart inside my arms. And I didn't know what to do. Cause I always thought that I'm the weak one, I'm the one who cries all the time. But I guess we are more alike than I knew. I am sorry that all I thought of was to wrap you in my arms. I knew it wouldn't matter much. I kissed your face and swallowed my own tears. And for the first time I didn't want to go home... I wanted YOU to go home. I wanted YOU to be happy. For once. It pains me that you blame yourself and you have no one to stand in front of you and take up the responsibility. Oh but I believe... I believe that one day you will have a prize and a crown and a tearless eternity to enjoy. I believe there's more to this than just your suffering. I don't know what it is, but I have to believe. I have to believe that you have been neglected and abused for a higher purpose. Sounds stupid, I know. But I simply have to believe. I believe that the God of the heavens was here tonight whispering words of comfort. I believe we will manage. I believe that suffering doesn't last forever, but joy will. Just hold on, girl. Please. Do it for both of us. Hold on cause it won't always be like this. It won't always hurt. He won't always be this mean. But until that day... I offer my arms to fall apart into. You can cry and scream and I will be here listening and holding you. Until that glorious day when I surrender you to the pierced hands. And they will make it all OK. I promise. Pinky promise.

Letting Go

I've learned that sometimes you have to let people go. Let go of them. And if that means they go down... then I guess this is how it has to be. You can reach out your hand and pray they take it... But if they don't wish to do so... Then you just let go and pray that somewhere along the way down, they learn how to fly. And you have to let go not because you don't care or because you want to let go... But because holding on would be no good for any of the sides. Holding on would mean destruction. So if survival means letting go... Then that's what I'm doing.